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ƒата: 17.04.2007 20:40
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ѕролог


     The server is temporarily busy. Try again laterЕ  артинка, до боли знакома€ каждому жителю виртуальной страны под названием ЂЅойцовский  лубїЕ »менно до боли. ƒо невыносимой сумасшедшей боли. Ћокти кусать бесполезно Ц их уже съели. УF2Ф!!! Ќежно, ласково, с надеждой, ежесекундно умирающей Ц ритм увеличиваетс€ до 300 ударов в минуту вместе с пульсом и децибелами вопл€ отча€ни€. —орваны многомиллионные сделки, остановлены великие баталии, парализована работа транспорта, почты, телеграфа, закрыты магазины. Ќа улицах никого. јпокалипсис.
     The server is temporarily busy. Try again later Ц нет результата. ¬ыгрызть УF2Ф!!! ¬ыгрызем еЄ медленно, злобно и больно Ц это она во всЄм виновата!!! УF5Ф Ц туда же!!! —ожрать эти мерзкие никогда не работающие кнопки!!! јаааааааа!!! ћышь!!! “ы, вонючий, протухший отвратительный корм! ¬сЄ из-за теб€!!! ¬ форточку!.. Service Unavailable, говоришь?! я щас те покажу Усервис унавайлаблеФ!!! я т€ щас так перезагружу, матрица недоделанна€!!! я те щас ману восстановлю!!! √де тут у нас фаза?.. ј ну-ка на лестничную площадку со мной!.. ЌЌЌЌЌјјјјјј!!! „то?!! 380V не жрал никогда???!!!!

* * *


     Ќа лестничной площадке, среди искр€щихс€ обломков компьютера, в трико с отт€нутыми коленками, одном тапке и майке сто€л смелый и честный боец с гор€щим взором насто€щего справедливого рыцар€. –уки его тр€слись, левое веко лихорадочно дЄргалось, пиво уже сильно давило на мочевой пузырь, но он, как никогда, готов был дать честный бой любому, кто бросит ему вызов.
     - —емЄооооооркиииииииииии!!! Ц гулкое эхо зычного гласа справедливости обвалило пару кусков штукатурки со стен видавшего виды, но не видавшего капремонта, подъезда Ц заходи пррротив мен€ в групповыыыыыееееее!!!! ћ€аааасоооооооо!!!!
     —тарчески скрипнула дверь соседней квартиры и на лестничную площадку выгл€нула сухонька€ старушонка.
     - ¬овик, ты чего разоралсси ни свет ни зар€? ¬есь подъезд перебудишь!
     Ђћаг!!! 10-ка!!!ї Ц пронеслось в голове у ¬овика Ц Ђўас мы с этой валькирией всех в кол€ску!!!ї
     - ћарьваннаааааа!!! Ц (ещЄ пара кусков штукатурки) Ц пошли со мной в хаоты!!!
     - Ќе могу, ¬овик Ц тоненьким голосом прошамкала валькири€ Ц после травмы восстанавливаюсь.
     - Ёэээээххххх! Ќе нарубим мы с тобою экспы, ћарьваннаааа! Ц прот€жно запел ¬овик на мотив забытой народной песни и вдруг р€вкнул, Ц Ќападалки есть?!
     - “ьфу! Ц сказала старушка и хлопнула дверью будуара. ѕослышалс€ звук диска старенького телефона Ц старушонка куда-то звонила.
     - јааааааа! Ц глухо завыл ¬овик Ц ¬се - ньюбы в этом мире!... ўас € им всЄ напишу!
     ¬ысунув €зык, как первоклашка, ¬овик прин€лс€ тапком царапать на обшарпанной стене бессмертное послание. „ерез 5 минут, отошедши на два шага, пред мутны очи ¬овика предстала надпись. Ќадпись гласила: Ym.,jd a njgre! Gfkflbyjd d ;jgre! Nfhvfyjd d uepyj!
     - ¬от дерьма кусок, как же раскладку помен€ть? Ц ¬овик задумалс€Е и залип.

* * *


     »з глубокого ступора ¬овика вывел грохот железной двери и собачий лай. “о сосед ћишка собралс€ выгул€ть своего чЄрного здоровенного дога ‘ому.
     - ¬ован, ты чЄ тут разлЄгс€?
     - ќоооооой, кто это у нас тут!? ‘омкаааа! Ц ¬овик встал на четвереньки и радостно пополз навстречу парочке, вс€чески стара€сь изображать ‘омкиного сородича. ѕЄс сородича не признал, но запах пива сказал ему, что тело трогать не надо Ц свой.
     - ћиха!  упи ассорти м€сное! 10 порций! ќтдам за 16 кредов! Ц не поднима€сь с четверенек, доверчиво гл€д€ в глаза ћишке, пром€млил ¬овик.
     - Ќе могу, ¬ован Ц рассудительно сказал ћишка Ц он у мен€ только 4-го уровн€ ещЄ.
     —лЄзы отча€ни€ по€вились на глазах у ¬овика.
     - ƒоваы! Ѕеы! Ц тер€€ последнюю надежду, пискл€во провыл он вслед соседу.
     - “ьфу! Ц сказал ћишка, дог чихнул, и парочка удалилась.

* * *


     ¬от оно!!! ∆гуча€ обида на вселенскую несправедливость и запредельна€ ненависть к этой сволочи, этому подонку, этой поганой твари по имени Service Unavailable зародили в ¬овике сгусток энергии такой сумасшедшей разрушительной силы, что глаза вылезли из орбит и стали похожи на очки. —густок искал выход наружу.
     Ётажом выше открылась дверь, и послышались девичьи голоса и весЄлый смех. —оседка, мила€ 15-летн€€ девчушка, провожала своих подружек-однокласниц. ¬овику было уже плевать Ц забрало упало и выросли рога. ќдним прыжком он достиг верхнего лестничного пролЄта.
     - јаааааааааа!!! Ќьюбы!!! Ц злобно зарычал он, срыва€ голос.
     —инхронно икнув, девчушки перепуганными воробышками метнулись к окну лестничного пролЄта и в ужасе вжались в угол между стеной и подоконником.
     - Ќьюбыыыыыы!!!! Ц 120-килограммовое тело злобного ¬овика надвигалось на бедных одноклассниц.
     ¬о им€ спасени€ себ€ и своих будущих детей, подружки пронзительно завизжали и, вз€вшись за руки, бросились по лестнице вниз к спасительному выходу.

     “ихое раннее утро обычного весеннего дн€ огласилось истошными визгами и звериным рыком. ¬низ по лестнице второго подъезда дома є8 по улице ѕервомайской в ужасе неслись три подружки, а за ними, держа в правой руке тапок возмезди€, заточенный об стену на +10, босыми ногами долб€ ступени, бежал √Ћј¬Ќџ…  –»“ќ¬»  ¬—≈√ќ, ”¬ќ–ќ“„»  ќ“ ¬—≈√ќ, √≈Ќ≈–јЋ№Ќџ… ћј√ ¬—≈’ —“»’»…, ¬≈Ћ» »… » ”∆ј—Ќџ… Ќ№ёЅќ‘ќЅ ¬ќ¬јЌ —ѕ–ј¬≈ƒЋ»¬џ….

* * *


     —тарушка всЄ-таки дозвонилась.

     ƒверь подъезда распахнулась, и по глазам ¬овика резанул €ркий солнечный свет.
     Ќьюбов не было. ¬ дверном проЄме в ореоле света сто€ли две фигуры.
     - јааааа!!!  рестопузые пожаловали! Ц злобно захохотал ¬овик Ц „Є, крестики свои порастер€ли?! „Є это на вас нап€лили?! ’алатики беленькие?!
     - “ы этоЕ оп€ть за своЄ, “олстошеев? Ц произнесла одна из фигур.
     - Ќачальник! “ы чЄ?! я даже не думал! ѕрогуливаюсь тут! Ц ¬ован веселилс€, как мог.
     - “ы, “олстошеев, весь подъезд затерроризировал уже, Ц спокойно сказала друга€ фигура, Ц ќп€ть Service Unavailable? ¬сЄ, поехали на профилактику.
     - „Є?!! ƒа хоть на век в молчанку!!! ѕлеваааать! я вас всех кровавить буду до скончани€ Ѕ !!! Ц истерично хохотал ¬овик.
     ќн продолжал хохотать, когда санитары запихивали его в карету Ђ—корой помощиї, продолжал хохотать, когда увозили его в страну, которой нет Ц хаос.


Ёпилог


     ¬р€д ли жильцы дома є8 по тихой улочке ѕервомайской, милые мирные люди, верили в потусторонний мир, магию и другие паранормальные €влени€. Ќо каждый из них верил в душе и панически бо€лс€ единственного дь€вольского заклинани€, способного превратить тихого безобидного администратора интернет-клуба ¬овика “олстошеева в бешеного монстра, готового крушить всех и вс€. «аклинани€ не сказанного, но написанного. «аклинани€ молчани€. The server is temporarily busy. Try again later.
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